Lessons outside the Hospital

Too many times in medicine, we see patients with overbearing families that question everything we do and can't seem to give us room to work. Some family members even become emotional, angry, and confrontational when they don't understand what's going on. I probably had my share of exasperation with people like these, until I found myself in their shoes for a different, yet similar scenario.

This afternoon I was at an airport in Philadelphia (where I'd been apartment hunting) with my dad to catch a flight back to DFW. My dad had accidentally left his license at home and as a result had no photo ID on him. The security people who questioned him about his identity were, to put it nicely, not very friendly. They kept asking him how he was able to get a boarding pass without a photo ID, even though he explained that he bought the ticket online and got the pass at the self check-in which did not require a photo ID (just a credit card). Despite that, they kept asking him how he got his boarding pass without a photo ID. I was standing off to the side watching quietly, and I was getting tired of the way the guards were talking to my dad. Were they being hard on him because he was Asian and spoke with an accent? Finally I couldn't take it anymore and blurted out, "We went through the self checkout line!" as if that would explain everything. Not surprisingly, they ignored my little outburst.

What was surprising was when another guard standing nearby (he was a young guy) asked me if I was okay (I must have looked really pissed off). "I'm fine," I said, "I just don't like the way he (my dad) is being questioned, that's all." He asked if there was anything he could do to help, and I said no, but told him that my dad had no photo ID on him and was being interrogated. The guard said that while it did seem like the other guards were being aggressive, they were just doing their job and trying to make sure that my dad was who he said he was. When I saw one guard on the phone, the nicer guard said that he was calling some security company to verify my dad's identity, and everything would only take a few minutes to clear up. He asked if we had a flight to catch, and I said that our flight wasn't due for several more hours, so a few minutes' wait wouldn't hurt. At this point my dad and I were allowed to proceed to the security gate, where my dad had to be patted down for weapons (they sure take things seriously in Philly). Afterwards when I grumbled to my dad about the whole process, he was way more understanding about the whole matter. "It's the government," he said simply.

I then realized that just now, I'd become one of "those" people, the family members who let their emotions get the better of them and make the jobs of the doctors (or in this case, the security guards) more difficult. I don't usually lose my temper on complete strangers, and this was a first for me. *sigh* The things we realize about ourselves when we're stressed. You'd think being a medical student/future doctor would teach me to be calm in any situation, but now I know that's not the case, especially where family is concerned. The guards may have thought they were doing their job, but I saw them as antagonizers giving my dad a hard time (even if he didn't think so). I'm very protective of the people I care about, and at that moment, I was pissed.

Enter the other guard. Somehow, he could tell I was upset, and he made the effort to find out why and explain the interrogation procedures to me so that I'd understand what was going on. And in the end, that was all I needed to hear. Just like in medicine, sometimes patients' families just need a little reassurance now and then, which is why it's important for us as future doctors to be more understanding of them and educate them whenever possible. My one regret is that I never got to thank the guard for his help. This experience has really opened my eyes, and I hope I can learn from it to be a more compassionate physician once I graduate.